u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
