Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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