I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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