He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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