whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
