i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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