but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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