Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
