i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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