dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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