I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
