she woke up with a sticky ear
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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