i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
