You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This gyro tastes like lonliness
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Randomize
