Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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