Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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