Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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