what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
