Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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