Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
