proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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