My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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