My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
