My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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