I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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