I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
