two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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