i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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