from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
