that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
