i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
