I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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