Ketchup is God's man juice
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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