It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
