i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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