how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
