you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
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I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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