the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
