Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
