Me. At least after what I've been through.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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