wanna go halves on a baby?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
