i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
