After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
