he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
