I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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