I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
