Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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