Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize