just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
a search helicopter?!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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