As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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