Your face is a jimmy john
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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