yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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