she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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