I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
