I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
