First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
