your room smells of hookers.
And success
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
