Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
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Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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