The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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