He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
