I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
