She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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