Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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