I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
