just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
