I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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