remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
