This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
