I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize