i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I smell stomach acid.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
