Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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