A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
