also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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