dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Randomize
