i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
