I can't breathe out the right side of my face
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
